Been sometime....

Blogging used to be very therapatic for me until 6 months back.. when i decided to pursue photography as a hobby. I dunno why I ever picked up this hobby. Maybe it as something that got me closer to someone I love.. but its an irony that today I am closer to my hobby and not to that person anymore. Perhaps thats why people always talk about not making anyone your object of affection but rather an inate object or a skill which will stay with you for the rest of your miserable life. My relationship was shortlived ( it has been the case with my prior relationships too) but my affair with Photography continues. Its surprising how I have been a failure in a man-woman relationship all my life but have been excellent in keeping true to my hobbies and career aspirations. I guess i am not really meant for anything emotional with regard to anymore. There is nothing that i can do right where a relationship is considered and there is hardly anything i can go wrong with these other things. Been out of touch with my ex for a week now and trying to give priority to my life... have finally realised there is nobody who can take care of my other than myself... blood tests, doctors, medicines... first priority lately, hobbies and career second, friends and family ( whatever is left of it) is next since i do not wish to get too entangled in emotions anymore ....
I am doing good... maybe in a few months i can say I am healthy too... more tests to go ...mentally i have learnt to block out unpleasant times and thoughts... i have also learnt to block out good memories that hurt and have kept myself extremely busy to have time to ponder.... thats the best i can do .. but then a stray tear does escape once in a while....human after all...
Used to blog at another URL but too many friends know about it.. blogging here is better.. i can keep the pain out for a few hours atleast without having known people relentlessly calling and asking about my well being.
I am doing well.. getting away from someone who was merely adding to more hurt was the best decision of my life ... i do not wish to be treated as just another person in his life.. i deserve better... and I do not think I am ready to settle for anything less...I have one life and I do not wish to have any regrets later.... I have lived well.. loved with all my heart and learnt from all my mistakes... this was perhaps the biggest mistake of my life because I committed it knowingly....
its going to take a long time before I forgive myself for it .... each day is a trial... but each day makes me stronger...
Its me making amends with myself today .....